Sappy, Kind Of

This is going to be sappy and I don't care. I have had to say a lot of good byes in the last 23 years. Thankfully, I've never lost anyone in my immediate family, I've never had to say a complete permanent forever goodbye. I thought the most difficult one I'd ever have to say was the day Adam left for Iraq. At that point I wasn't thinking about how I would eventually have to say good bye to the other 2/3rds of me. Britt and Teetz are graduating in May. While I of course have graduated already, it's not the same, we're still in the same place together and can hang out all the time. In May, Teetz will be leaving Lincoln for good, most likely off to Seattle for grad school at the University of Washington. Britt was already accepted to UNMC...and you better tell her how much she kicks ass. They only accept 12 people total into the graduate program, people have until May to apply, and she was already accepted, bitches. She's awesome. But she also has an interview at the University of Iowa in May, and such. And who knows where I am going to end up. I have never laughed or cried so hard than with these two. I don't have a single memory I regret involving either of them (except the time I got mad at Teetz for buying me a 'Rent' ticket, but that situation worked out well in the end because we found out how crazy Tundra really was). I don't think there are two people in this world who knows me better than Britt and Teetz; they've put up with my crazy off-the-wall jump-to-conclusions about the smallest detail. They've talked me out of doing incredibly stupid things, and also been right along side me doing other stupid things. Did you ever hear the one where Britt and I fooled some kids into thinking I was deaf just so they'd leave us alone and we could sit by the fountain in peace. Or the time(s) out drinking where I'd say, "Kiss me now" and Teetz would? Okay, so that latter he'd probably rather not remember, but these are still great memories I cherish. Okay, so not the kissing so much...j/k, Teetz. Last year Teetz and I got toasted watching Doogie Houser, just because. Britt and I took apart her closest one night in Pound because a former RA told us of a prime alcohol-hiding location. We formed a band. We've all been mad at each other to the point of silent treatment, but over and over again, we get it straightened out, and everything is okay again. I'm not sure anyone could ask for two better friends than these guys. I wouldn't be who I am today without their help/interference, and for that I am grateful. I love you guys.

Random Survey and Blog Quizzes

I can't help it, I missed Facebook and blogging way too much.

Bests
1. Male friend: Teetz
2. Female friend: Brittany and Bailie
3. Vacation: Chicago, even though it was with Crazy Rachel
4. Age: 21
5. Memory: That's too personal to share here

Worst
1. Time of day: waking up
2. Day of the week: Sunday
3. Food: brussell sprouts, beets
4. Memory: There are two tied for first - finding out about Joe, and finding out about Adam
5. Boyfriend or Girlfriend: Well, I can't really say, because each relationship has had problems, so there really isn't a 'worst'

Lasts
1. Person you saw: My momma, Grandma, and Grandpa
2. Kissed: Drake
3. Hugged: My momma, Grandma, and Grandpa
4. Messaged: Drake
5: IM: Nathan

Firsts
1. Kiss: Cody something, DECA finals
2. Serious bf or gf: Adam
3. Car: 1986 Chevy Nova
4. First School: Diamond Path Elementary
5. Job: 'Old Navy' and 'Kids Will Be Kids' (way awesome toy store)

Today
1. What are you doing now: unpacking
2. Tonight: hanging with Bailie and watching FRIENDS
3. Wearing: clothes
4. What did you eat for lunch: didn't eat lunch
5: Better than yesterday: no, I had to come back to this shitty apartment and listen to dumb girls giggle loudly and tell stupid stories very dramatically

Tomorrow
1. Is: Wednesday
2. Got any plans: errands
3. Goal: get completely unpacked
4. Dislikes about tomorrow: still living with roommates
5. Do you have work: no

Faves
1. Number: 7, 14
2. Song: Because of You, She Will Be Loved, any Gavin DeGraw
3. Color: purple
4. Season: Spring
5. State: Minnesota, California, Illinois

Currently
1. Are you in love: yes
2. Dating someone: yes
3. Missing someone: yes
4. Mood: annoyed
5. Wanting: no roommates

My Year In Review

It is New Year's Eve and for the third year in a row, it's not shaping up to be the best. I am spending it here in Minnesota with my mom and grandparents, the three most important people in the world to me, so it makes sense I would be with them. Anyway, they are talking in the dining room and initially I was just browsing online a little, checking out different school districts I might like to teach in, and of course I started reading the 'year in review' thing on MSN about different events that had happened over the last year, duh. My own past year has been pretty eventful, and not always for the best, but at least my life is interesting, which is more than I can say for some people, who give a minute by minute account of their daily crap in their blogs. I try not to do that unless it is actually worth mentioning, but some people, seriously, come on. I thought this might be fun though, a few days ago Britt and I were reminiscing about how we care too much about the future now, and gone are the days of the two college sophomores who would sit by the fountain and just talk (remind me later to tell the story about the time I pretended to be deaf), or the girls who would order pizza their last night in Selleck and sit out on the catwalk, throwing rocks at windows, basically, the girls who didn't care what anyone thought, ever. I used to be one of those girls and something happened to really change who I am. People would be surprised to find I am far different now than I used to be. But that is a story for another time and place. This is what matters right now, my 2005 Year In Review.

January
Not too shabby at all. I turned 22 and had two different events commemorating the special occasion. The first was hitting the bars with a bunch of friends, including Silas. If you recall, this was also the night Crazy Rachel freaked out and accused Silas and I of messing around. How I miss her crazy outbursts...I also had dinner with a bunch of friends the following evening, mostly those who were not yet 21. Teetz hauled ass back from his weather conference in California to make it and he got there just in time. The things that boy does for me, I am lucky I have such amazing friends - also, ones who don't resemble land masses or animals of any kind. Even though I didn't get to see him before he left for training, Adam also called to wish me a happy birthday - a tremendous feat for him, as Adam previously was unable to remember any date remotely important to me, ever.

February
A pretty low-key month, not a whole lot going on. All I really remember was being very nervous about having to sing in my music methods class, and my instructor said I could just hand in my lesson plan to her after class and then sing at that time as well. This led to her offering to give me voice lessons, and finding out I actually had a very nice voice after all. I really want to take singing lessons again, it was so much fun.

March
As always, I am pretty non-existent during this month, because it is March Madness! Duke didn't go as far as we'd thought, but it was a great season anyway. Spring Break was spent at home, and Britt and I vowed once again that the next Spring Break, we'd actually do something and go somewhere.

April
The best memory I have from April was that Jake had a party after one of the baseball games. Melissa didn't know he went to the game with Teetz and I, which made it that much better. Teetz and I were absolutely FRIED, but seeing Jesse Boyer and Alex Gordon in baseball pants was worth it - for me anyway, not so much for Teetz or Jake. At the party we played Spin The Bottle, and the first time Teetz spun and landed on me, I was in the middle of protesting how I couldn't kiss him and he just leaned over and planted one right on the lips. This was also the night I yelled at one of my former (now not so former again) friends and told him I never wanted to see him again. (Hey, I am working on the forgiveness thing, it is a slow process).

May
Well, this was supposed to be a great idea - I moved out of the dorms for the last time and into an apartment with two roommates everything was fine for the time, but we'll get to that later in the year. This is also the month I met Drake, though not til almost the very end. And 'met' is also a very loose term as well - he'd been sleeping on the futon for a good part of the month and I'd talked to him occasionally, but you know how I am with new people - and if you really want to be technical about it, he and I really truly met for the first in October of 2004, then again in March of 2005. Neither of us remember the other very clearly however, so I guess third time really was the charm. I also started working at Office Depot, which wasn't so bad to begin with.

June
Drake and I started dating in June, and Teetz and I were going to tons of baseball games. The Huskers went to the College World Series, but unfortunately did not win it all. That's okay though, because after we beat Creighton in the finals of the Super Regional, I got a picture with Jesse Boyer, a photo which was blown up to an 8X10 and is hanging in my room. Adam left for Iraq this month, which is one of the most difficult good-byes I have ever had to say, because I didn't know if it was for good, or just a little while. I hate thinking like that when I have been drinking - he called me while I was at the bars with Kayleen, Drake, Teetz, Britt, JohnRoss and random others. But it was thoughtful, and he's really seemed to have gotten this 'Call Sarah' thing down to an art, as we talked a few times, first while he was in training and then right before he left for the Middle East.

July
The greatest month of the whole year! Sort of. I MET GAVIN DEGRAW!!!!!! Teetz and I went to the concert and it was amazing. Afterward Gavin was singing autographs and I got a picture taken with him, which was also blown up to an 8X10 and is also hanging on one of my walls. I also got to meet Drake's parents for the first time when they came out to Lincoln, as well as more of his family aside from the aunts and uncles and cousins who already live in town.

August
I started my final semester as an undergrad at UNL. Student teaching was great from the start, though some of those teachers are the biggest gossips ever, it is ridiculous. Not much else that's newsworthy, just a lot of work and teaching.

September
Drake came home with me for Holden's third birthday and to meet my family. We crammed a lot into a very short amount of time, but he at least got to see my hometown and where I grew up and all that jazz. Also, lots of Husker football. I didn't get tickets because I figured I would be working every Saturday, but by this time I hated Office Depot so much, I had to take Saturdays off just to give myself a break because I was also working full time at the testing center. Drake and I managed to fight every single Saturday, at every single game. Not sure why, it just happened.

October
This time I went home with Drake to see his hometown and meet some of his friends, though I'd already met most of his family with the exception of one set of grandparents, who were the nicest people ever. Not much else happened, it was a good Halloween even though Drake dropped my camera on the floor in his drunken state.

November
I can not think of anything significant in this month - Drake was on duty for Thanksgiving so part of my break was actually spent in Cather, which wasn't nearly as awful as I thought it would be, dorm-wise. I just hate the dorms.

December
GRADUATION!!!!!!! By far, the most important thing that happened this month was me graduating, which was awesome. Adam, getting better and better at this calling thing, called at the perfect time, just as we were leaving Devaney after the ceremony. Again, thoughtful and not at all like him, though I think war generally makes you grow up fast, so I guess sin a way it is good for him. Then I went home for Christmas, Drake and I broke up for three days, then got back together, and now it is New Year's Eve and I am definitely ready for 2005 to be over. I've never been a fan of New Year's and anyone who has been around for the last three years can tell you why.

That's pretty much all for my year, some highs and lows, but all necessary in their own way. The best part about the end of the year is that it means my birthday is in a few weeks, so you can bet your ass I am going to start this year off right. However, turning 23 doesn't merit quite as big of a shin-dig, so says Mom, but who doesn't love going to the bars and getting free drinks? This girl loves it a lot, so I can't wait until then!

FRIENDS status: disc two of season 8 - Rachel has now told everyone she's pregnant, and that's pretty much the big deal right now

Days until my birthday: 16!!!!!!!

Happy New Year!

Playing Instead of Working

But that's to be expected. I haven't had a single thing to do all semester, so it is hard for me to get in a mode to write a resume or philosophy of teaching or whatever. So I did the next logical thing: took random quizzes on-line. I took this personality disorder one at quizfarm.com and apparently I qualify as having a paranoid personality disorder.

You scored as Paranoid.
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant. They usually shift blame to other people and tend to carry long grudges.

Paranoid: 95%
Antisocial: 85%
Histronic: 80%
Narcissistic: 70%
Borderline: 60%
Avoidant: 60%
Obsessive-Compulsive: 50%
Dependent: 30%
Schizotypal.: 20%
Schizoid: 20%

Hmmm. I am surprised the 'dependent' is so low, because Teetz always tells me I am needy. I am not needy of most people though, usually I am just needy of him, so I guess that makes sense with the way the questions were worded. I am definitely narcissistic, that I am not going to deny, I am just wondering about this 'paranoid' thing. The questions that I probably scored high on were the ones about not trusting people and not having a lot of close relationships because that part is true. I have a ton of acquaintances and a lot of friends, but not a whole lot of close friends and it really does take a lot for me to trust people - thanks Adam. But cheap shots aside, he really did do a number on my trust ability, and I think with the way the questions were presented, that probably is why I scored so high in that category. Speaking of Adam, can you believe it has only been two years since I have known him now? With all that shit that went down, and that ridiculous roller coaster ride, it feels like a lifetime, and I think as a result of it I feel old, like too much happened in a short period of time. Ugh.

On a much happier note, in a previous post I talked about how I felt certain friends and I were growing apart and I was upset to see this happen because of the close friends I do have, I do not want to lose them ever. Lucky for me, we have recently been able to spend more time together again and I am glad for that.

I love Target. I also love Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner. Last night at Target Teetz and I stood in the shampoo aisle for ages and just took in the beautiful aroma that is Fructis. It was glorious. We haven't done that for a while - in fact the last time we did was the first time I started using Fructis. We each bought some and then hurried back to Pound because we decided we had to try it right away. Then we watched SVU and it was also glorious.

And speaking of SVU, I love the show but I fear every episode is the one that Elliot will get kicked off/killed off and I am dreading that day. I am glad last night's episode was focused on him, though I saw him cry which was new for me. *Sigh* I love Tuesday nights.

I wish people would do what they say they're going to do, when they say they're going to do it. If you don't plan on following through with whatever you say, why waste your breath saying you'll do it in the first place?

Memory Lane

Drake's computer won't let me use spellcheck. Grrr. I hate typos.

I am feeling more and more nostalgic as the semester goes on, as proven tonight. Britt and Teetz and I went bowling on East Campus like we used and I have not had this much fun in a long time. We ended up playing three games so we each had the chance to win, and of course we each did win again. Teetz fell down once, but I missed it, shoot. Then we each tried bowling with our opposite hand just because we're fun like that. Britt wasn't having much luck, and knowing she writes left-handed I told her to bwl with her right. She just kind of looked at me and said, "I do bowl with my right". Wow, in all our years of friendship, I have never noticed she bowls right-handed. I think because righties are so much more commong than lefties, I took it for granted watching her bowl because that's what I was used to seeing from everyone else. Weird.

After we left East Campus, Britt jokingly said, "Let's go hit up a Pike Party" and we decided we needed a trip down Memory Lane to look back on all the awesome parties from our Sophomore year. We showed Teetz all the best places we partied, and talked about the time some of the Pikes had a Beer Die tourney, set up much in the fashion of the March Madness tourney. Rounds 1 and 2 were at Blue Heaven, then because everyone was still sober enough to drive, we all headed over to 33rd and Orchard for the "Sweet 16" and "Elite 8". By the time these rounds were done though, driving was out of the question so slowly but surely, everyone would make their way to the "Final 4" and championship game at Rugby House. I miss those days, though I definitely do not miss all of those guys. I have a lot of good memories from this time, though there are a few bad ones as well, and through thick and thin, Britt has been through it all with me, and I don't know what I would do without her. Who else would wait for me when I sat down in the middle of the road walking from 33rd and Orchard all the way back to Kauffman our sophomore year on Good Friday? I don't remember doing this, but apparently it happened. We were both a tad intoxicated, but were supposed leave for Grand Island the next morning at like 10 so we could be with her family Easter Weekend. I don't think either of us even rolled out of bed until 1 pm. I just remember her caling me around that time, asking if I was ready, though she wasn't either. Her mom had called a couple times looking for us, but it was probably almost four by the time we got there. Ah, memories.

Teetz's date went good, but he says I can't meet her yet because I intimidate him, so I will most definitely intimidate her. Good, girls need to be intimidated so I can see if they are actually good enough for him. But this one might be, we shall have to see.

Afterglow

I am slowly but surely starting to come off my high from the concert. It was just a great show with great musicians who actually play instruments and write their own stuff. I have posted my opinions about that before though so I am not going to get into it again. Gavin and Howie are just amazing, I really want to see them again, and Missy Higgins too. I had a ton of fun.

I really like sleep. More than most people and it is not really concerning me yet, but a lot of people are seeming to comment on it right now. I would almost think I should be tested for mono if I had not been this way for the last couple of years. What is basically comes down to is, I can sleep any time, anywhere. The other night I was at Drake's and he, his uncle Matt, and one of his cousins were all sitting in the sunroom talking and Nicole and I both just fell asleep. Granted it was later in the evening, but I just fell asleep in someone else's sunroom. It's weird. And once I am out, I am OUT. During the last school year Teetz never let me sleep if we were going to dinner within the hour because it always takes me so long to come out of it again. He says it's almost like I am drunk because I shuffle around and mumble for about 20 minutes before I am finally coherent again. Another case in point, last night I went to bed before Drake and I guess he tried to wake me up to move me because I was in the middle of the bed and there wasn't enough room for him, but he said I was in such a deep sleep I didn't move so he had to inch me over little by little. And I guess he was holding onto my arm to move me and it slipped out of his grasp and hit him really hard in the face. Luckily it didn't leave a mark, I'd feel bad about that, though I guess it wouldn't really be my fault, I was sleeping after all. I guess I am lucky to be able to sleep on command but it's not always helpful, because I am pretty sure I could fall asleep at work at my register. I am sure I would get in trouble for that one.

I got all my photo albums done finally, starting from freshman year of college up until the latest photos I took, which were the concert pictures. Those turned out AMAZING, by the way, just like the concert itself. I have three albums, each holds 300 pictures...And the third one is almost all the way full. I have taken a lot of pictures in the last four years, but it was such a trip down memory lane seeing some of those again. I miss Nicole, she went back to Pennsylvania after freshman year and I have such fun pictures from when we went to California over Spring Break. I also found pictures of Britt and I getting ready for my first ever Pike party back in the days of Cody and Marshall and those guys. Talk about a lifetime ago, I am not even the same person anymore. Then junior year and all my pictures of Adam and I and those crazy parties at the apartment. I think there is at least one or two pictures from every party where Silas or Moose has me up on their shoulders or are at least picking me up. I definitely need those guys to hold me up sometimes, literally and figuratively, because like I said in a recent post, I love my friends a lot and am so lucky to keep the company that I do. I wish everyone was as lucky as me. I don't have nearly as many pictures of Drake and I as I would like, but we're just starting out, and there will be plenty of time for bar pictures and all sorts of stuff like that, I am just kind of sad he will never get to go to a formal with me because those days are also behind me. I'm sure he's not too broken up about it, but hey, they were good times. I know I'll take plenty of pictures at Roxy's wedding in October if he goes with me. I know he said he would, but that is also the day of the Nebraska/Oklahoma game and I don't want him to miss it because I know he really wants to go and I want him to. But I wouldn't mind having him at the wedding with me either, since I will know absolutely no one except the bride and groom. We'll see what happens.

For now there are no countdowns, not to any fun stuff anyway, mostly just crap like school starting again. Oh the humanity.

Sometimes I Get A Little Belligerent

I like to drink. This is no secret, anyone who knows me knows I, more than occasionally, like to partake in the consumption of adult beverages. Last night Teetz, JohnRoss, Drake, Kayleen and I were at Sandy's, and eventually were joined by Amanda, Greg and random other people, and I was ready to fight. I am not sure exactly what came over me as the evening went on. Everything started fine around nine or so, we hit Sandy's by 9:30, everything was kickin', and then Drake's ex-girlfriend starts calling. She had been sending him texts all day and called around maybe 11 or so. I answer and basically said, "Look you dumb bitch, leave my boyfriend alone because he doesn't want to talk to you." I then hung up. She called back at least four more times and it always went the same way: me telling her to stop calling him and her being a dumb bitch. Finally by the 5th call I told her I was going to punch her in her face. It was ridiculous how much punishment she wanted to take. Then today she sent him a text asking for his address and neither of us responded. She called this afternoon when I was with him at his family's house and he handed me the phone. Apparently she finally got the hint because she didn't say a word when I answered and she hung up. On a similar note, Jenny continues to randomly IM and email Teetz and leave Facebook messages about how they need to hang out or whatever. I don't think she got the memo that he really doesn't like her and wants nothing to do with her. Personally, if someone I perceived to be a friend never responded to my messages and whatnot, I would take it as a hint that we're probably not actually friends. I just don't think she gets it, so me being in my fighting mood last night, I called and left her a voicemail informing her that she and Teetz really aren't friends. He was cracking up the whole time, so maybe she will get it this time around, but I guess we will have to see. I'm sure she will think that I did this all on my own, but hey, I had to get her phone number from somewhere because I certainly don't have it in my phone anymore - and you bet your ass Teetz is the one who gave me her number to do the calling.

On the downside, last night around ten before all this shit went down with all these dumb bitches, Adam called. It was The Call, and I really have not had time to process it until now that he is actually in another country. He didn't have long to talk because he was literally leaving in a matter of minutes, but he was like, I promised you I'd call and so I am keeping that promise - so of course I'm crying and telling him that it's not enough time and it's not how I wanted to say good bye because I wanted to be able to hug him and say good bye face to face and he's telling me not to cry and that it wasn't his intention to make me cry. He said he'd be back before I knew it and that everything would be fine and he would be fine and that I shouldn't worry because the guys he is with know what they're doing. Finally came the moment of truth and we're saying good bye and I told him I loved him and that I would be at the armory in Grand Island when he got back and he said that he loved me too. To finally hear it word for word was kind of a shock almost, and of course I am still crying because that's what I do, but I asked him to say it one more time for me and I could tell he has one of those sheepish smiles on his face but he said he loved me again and then he told me to go back inside and have a good time and not to worry and drink some drinks for him. I think this conversation may have contributed greatly to me drinking myself stupid for the next four hours, but hey, if I am drinking for myself and for Adam, that's a whole lot of fucking alcohol I have to consume. In addition, I also ended up drinking a blow job shot off Teetz, which made me laugh. He was kind of drunk when it happened which made it funnier, because when he actually put the shot glass between his legs I realized how close my face actually was to his penis and I almost could not go through with it. Not to mention the fact that the bartender put a shit-ton of whipped cream on top, and I mean a TON. But it was all good. Then at Jimmy John's later I pretty much re-enacted the scene from When Harry Met Sally and the place literally stopped. One guy asked if he should give me a tip. It was hilarious, I was drunk, I was with some of my best friends and aside from the fact that I had to say good bye to one of the people I love most in this world, it was a great night with my friends and my boyfriend and as of tonight, all is right in my world. Honestly, right now I could not ask for more.

Good night kids.

Nights I Can't Remember, Friends I'll Never Forget

Yeah we were boys who made a lot of noise
And we, sang all our songs for free
We partied through college, acquired some knowledge
Never did get a degree
We did it our way lookin' back on the good days
There's still not a lot I regret
There's some Nights I Can't Remember, with Friends I'll Never Forget
(Toby Keith, "Nights I Can't Remember, Friends I'll Never Forget")

It's finals week and I am sitting at work because I don't have any finals to take. I'm feeling a little nostalgic right now as I think about how everything is changing so quickly. Though few of my close friends are graduating in May (I believe Bailie and Rusty are the only ones, but it is early in the morning so forgive me if I forgot you, you know I probably still love you even if I didn't mention you because I am not fully awake and alert yet), I still feel like everything is different already. This past weekend I moved the majority of my stuff out of the dorm and into the house I will be sharing with Brett and Brian. I am done with my formal education at the University of Nebraska and will spend next semester applying everything I "learned" in the last 2 years in Teachers College (or, The College of Education and Human Sciences to everyone accepted after my class) hopefully across the hall from Shona at Belmont Elementary School. I am not playing nanny this summer for Jay, since he started Kindergarten he attended a day-care and will be there throughout the summer, though I am sure on occasion I will watch him and sneak in a few trips to the swimming pool. Also, I have slowly (or abruptly, depending on how you look at it) lost one of my closest friends and neither Teetz nor I are quite sure why. We know the basic event, but considering it has dragged on for this long, we are both kind of confused. I guess Adam's phone call really got me thinking about all this stuff and now, though I am happy we talked, I am kind of sad. For all the drama last summer with Crazy Jessica, it was a lot of fun and part of that was because I had such awesome friends to hang out with. I lived one building over from Adam and Silas and we drank a lot, I lived with Kayleen, who thank goodness is not crazy, and we had fun too. We went to the bars, had a party, drank just to drink, and played Super Mario Bros 3 on my old school Nintendo. Silas and Adam cooked dinner, Adam and I went to the horse races, half the time I lived at their apartment anyway; life didn't get much better than last summer. But things change and this summer is going to be a complete 180: Adam will be in Iraq, Silas is in Grand Island (but cross your fingers, he may be moving back here soon!!!), I'm not living with Kayleen, I'm not watching Jay...I think I've made it clear there are going to be a lot of changes. I know we'll still all hang out and we'll all still party, and hey, some of my friends from Wabash may even come for a few days to see how exciting life isn't here in Lincoln. The point is, those were some of the best times I've had in my life, and at least we've got the pictures to prove it, but I don't think I can ever top it. I guess part of my reason for feeling nostalgic is that I am 22 now, and I am *EEEEK* growing up. Going down to Ground Zero (you know, the place that has 27 bars in about a 4 block radius or whatever) just doesn't get me going like it used to. When I turned 21 though, man we were out having the time of our lives just drinking, dancing in cages at Mickey's, playing pool, and stumbling back to campus. I just get a little sad thinking about these things that won't ever happen again, and it started this weekend with moving. I was packing all my stuff and I started thinking about how, last year at this time Adam had that huge hideous white truck and was helping me move all my stuff, and how he was carrying my futon frame but we couldn't fit it in the elevator (well, we could have but he was being stubborn and not listening to anything I said) so he carried it down five flights of stairs. Little things like that just make me sigh. Or I remember how he and John and Alex came and took apart my loft and were bitching and grumbling the whole time, but still they did it for me. Or there's the time when it was absolutely pouring out and Kayleen and I ran around outside, kicking water at each other and doing cartwheels on the grass, slipping and sliding everywhere. We also managed to witness a murder (we think, but we have over-active imaginations). We were sitting in the living room one night and heard people arguing in the parking lot and, being curious, went out onto the deck. We were looking around for who was yelling and then quickly went back inside when they looked up at us. The yelling continued so we went into Kayleen's room and were looking through her blinds, with the light on so people could see of of course because sometimes we're not that bright, and we couldn't see anyone til finally we spotted them, and of course they were staring at us and probably had been for a few minutes. This was AFTER we heard what sounded like a gun shot. So we quickly shut off the light to her room and tried to be better spies and when we looked out the window again we couldn't see anyone until all the sudden this car tears out of the parking lot and we were 100% certain there was a dead body behind the garages. So what did we do? We went out and looked of course. However, the grass was too tall to really see anything and it never occurred to either of us that we'd never actually seen a dead body and that was probably a good thing - nor did we consider what we would do if there actually was one back there. We ran back inside and camped out in the living room on the floor with our cell phones right next to us - we decided neither of us wanted to sleep by ourselves, and if someone wanted to kill us, the pathetic locks on our bedroom doors weren't going to keep them out anyway. And besides that, at least we'd die together. Obviously we survived and the next day when we went out to look again, there was no body. Though it was really late when all of this occurred and we do let our imaginations get the best of us sometimes, I am not sure if either one of us is now 100% there WASN'T a body back there. Who knows.

I realize that was kind of a tangent, but have you ever had a fun adventure like that? Probably not, but there are also many people more logical than I am - I usually just react to things immediately and don't give a lot of thought and I pretty much run purely on emotion. That's not to say I'm not logical, I just have a hard time controlling impulses A LOT. My theory is kind of like this: "Want, take, have." Very simple.

I think writing about this has made me feel better about the situation as a whole. I know change is good, and given my ADHD, change is necessary to keep my attention. I don't necessarily want things to be exactly like they were last summer because lets face it: there were some troubling, upsetting times as well, a lot of it was Adam-related (Bailie, you know I love you forever for everything you did that night), but there were so many good times too. I have never laughed, cried, played, drank, slept, or partied harder than I did last summer. Hopefully this one can top it, although I am not entirely sure I want it to. You just can't remake memories like that.

Plus side to all these changes of late: Teetz is going to be here this summer so I won't have to harass him every other day and rack up huge charges on my cell phone bill.

That's all for now, my rambling has completely ceased to make sense. Bottom line: I love all my friends dearly and do not know what I would do without them.

Days til Teetz is legal: 44